A week and a half ago I returned from the Gospel Coalitions Women Conference in Indianapolis. It was a wonderful time of teaching and fabulous spirit filled worship. They covered several chapters in the book of Deuteronomy on a variety of topics.
God spoke to me within the first hour of the conference when we were worshipping. We were singing loudly the song No Longer Slaves and I just started sobbing. Now, I am not one to cry easily these days due to a variety of medications but the holy spirit was really moving inside of me. As I stood there and cried while my sisters in Christ sang to my left and my right, I felt God telling me to let go. Let go of the control in my life I grasp so tightly to in many areas, let go of wanting the adoption of a new child to happen yesterday, and specifically with that to just... wait. God firmly said for me to wait.
Of course this was not exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted to have a spiritual moment with the Lord where he'd unlock the mysteries of my life but God doesn't tend to work like that. We often do not know what the future holds for us. God wants us to live just for today when he tells us his mercies our new every morning. God wants to give us our portion for the day. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don't know if your waiting on a baby, a home, a child to know our Savior, for a husband, a job, or possibly healing from a chronic illness. But I do know God has purpose in our waiting. He wants to grow us into a deeper dependance on him and that requires perseverance. So we do not lose hope, for we keep our hope and joy in Christ during this period.
We may never get what we've been waiting for in this lifetime. That kind of terrifies me to be honest, but I have to let go and let God do his thing. I trust that my desire for more children is a good desire and that there will be a day when God wishes to fulfill that desire.
I bought Betsy Childs Howard book, Seasons of Waiting, at the conference. I read it 2 nights after putting Brayden down to sleep. It was a fast read and very applicable to my life. Some nuggets out of the book were the fact that our waiting is never wasted. Howard talks about how our waiting is a witness to the world of our Christ if we show how much we depend on him. The world is watching, how will we respond to hope deferred?
"God can use our waiting experience to make us more and more like himself." Howard states how this time is a pure testing of our faith in whom we put our trust and what we believe to be true. Is God ultimately more important than what we our waiting for? Is God's love for us still as strong as ever as he withholds our desire, dream, prayer request? The answer to these questions is a resounding yes! God is good. God wants us to want him above all else, not to become idol factories like the Israelites who worshipped a golden calf in the Old Testament.
Howard states that, "our contentment must be based on the sufficiency of Christ, not on satisfactory temporary circumstances." Phillipians 4:10-13, Paul talks about being content in our circumstances...
I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
I desire to show the love of God by adopting and loving a child who is not originally my own, not from my womb, but a child of the Savior and therefore completely worthy of his and our love.
So, as I wait, and think, I ask for God to show me the path for the day. As I go through each day with my toddler Brayden, the therapies we go to, the playing we do, the mealtimes, the tantrums, the discipline, I am actively waiting on the Lord. I am fulfilling his plan for my life by loving my husband, son, family and community well.
What are you waiting on in this season of life? I pray that the Lord answers your prayer in a mighty way and that you can only say, that by his grace, you live out each day in ernest anticipation.