Yes I will, God

(written the day before mothers day… 2 days before my dad passed on May 13, 2019 on his 80th birthday)

Yes, I will God. I count on one thing that God will not fail me now. In the waiting, the same God who is never late is working all things out.

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I sit here in sickness, as my family member said this morning “I looked like death.” Well, I felt like death too and therefore the enemy of joy and peace wanted to steal my peace and comfort and make me despair. And he got what he wanted a few days ago but not today! As I started crying, maybe 10 seconds in I said no way - if I am going to “feel” like death from a migraine and possible hernia where the acid burns so bad that I don’t want to talk… so what? We as believers can stare death in the face and say “Where is your sting?” It holds no power over me!!! So the worst that could happen is that I do die? Well then I’d be with Jesus. Sounds like a sweet deal to me. No enemy, you will not win with your fear attempts. You have tried with pain from head to toe in January when I was unaware of your presence, as I screamed out that I wanted to die. I was so naive to your attempts then, not now enemy. Not now!!

My God will never fail me, and though I may “feel” or “look” or “think” Im dying, God is with me as close as the air I breathe.

God made it very apparent this week as I talked to my sister in law, to focus on my faith not what is seen, then my mom gave me a mothers day bag that says “Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” Then this morning I read in 2 Cornithians 5:7 - “For we live by faith and not by sight”.

God’s really trying to tell me something here. Hello, earth to Amanda, all your ailments and sicknesses, have I EVER left you? Have I NOT delivered you from the ensnarements of so many withdrawals? From geodon, to lamictal, to Lyrica, to melatonin, to NyQuil, and the list could go on.

Have I NOT filled you with a joy and everlasting peace that this world has not? Yes, God you have.

Have I NOT provided for you with your husbands job and the food you need to eat that will not hurt you? Yes, God you have. Have I NOT provided care for your child, while letting you enjoy him at home often. Yes, God you have.

You continue each and every day to provide for my needs.